The best jokes about life

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?" The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."
has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, life
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: insulting, life, stupid
Q: The more you take the more you leave behind. What am I? A: footsteps
has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: life, travel
Knock knock. Who's there? Déja. Déja who? Knock knock.
has 58.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, life, memory
A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."
has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: life, money, work
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
How do you know when an Asian breaks into your home? Your house is clean, your computer is fixed, and their still pulling out of your driveway.
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: computer, life
Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: age, celebrity, kids, life, music
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"
has 58.65 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, god, heaven, life
The first half of life if ruined by your parents, the second by your kids.
has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: life
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