Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen tanks when scuba diving. He simply sucks all the life out of the ocean to breath.
What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag? Speed bumps.
How do elves greet each other? "Small world, isn't it?"
Google is setting up a new search engine to answer life's difficult and most complex questions with the response always being the same... Chuck Norris.
It was tough for me, got caught up: cutting class, drinking, smoking, gambling, raping and pillaging the town. What I'm trying to tell you is the fifth grade was hell for me, alright?
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings": * The Engagement Ring * The Wedding Ring * The Suffe-Ring * The Endu-Ring
Knock, knock! Who's there? Opportunity! That is impossible. Opportunity doesn't come knocking twice!
Life is like a definite integral. Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight. A black eye, and a swollen lip.