The best jokes about life

Knock knock. Who's there? Déja. Déja who? Knock knock.
Vote: has 59.80 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: knock-knock, life, memory
An alien lord lands in the middle of the desert and demands to see the ruler of all this planet and make it bow to his will, except he made two grave mistakes, first he landed in the middle of the desert, in the middle of the night and second he didn't know anything about the inhabitants. So he approaches the first life form he finds which was a gas pump and demands it to take him to the leader. Well it's a gas pump so it doesn't say anything obviously, getting aggravated he demands again but this time pulls his laser pistol and says "This is the last time I ask earthling!" Just then his general whispers to him "Hey calm down buddy don't mess with this guy, he's a badass motherfucker". Shrugging off his comrade he furiously demands a response and after brief moments of silence, he blasts the pump and BOOM! A huge explosion occurs and they land a mile away. As they sit there dusting themselves off the alien lord looks at the general and asks "We have conquered the cosmos and all sorts of life forms, I've never seen you sweat in the face of an adversary, how did you know this guy was such a badass motherfucker?" The general looks over and says "Man if you could wrap your dick around your body 3 times and then plug it in your ear, you are a badass motherfucker."
Vote: has 59.75 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, desert island, life, morbid, vulgar
A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."
Vote: has 59.74 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, money, work
Two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other: "Man, it's hot in here!" The other one says: "Ah! A talking muffin!"
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
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More jokes about: god, life
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”. “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
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More jokes about: doctor, health, life
Why are we so sure that Eve was African? If she were white, she wouldn't have eaten that apple! She would say, "Is this organic? What would Oprah do?" If she had been Asian, she'd have eaten the damn snake!
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath? A: Stinkerbell!
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More jokes about: life
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, life
Teens are at an awkward stage in their lives. They know how to make phone calls they just don't know how to end them.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, phone, teen