The best jokes about life

What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for Twats.
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has 55.68 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: car, gay, life, masturbation
Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's side. "Sleep now, it's all right," he told her. But she kept trying to sit up and said, "Honey, I really need to tell you something." Finally Jake let her get it off her chest. "Jake, honey, I need to tell you something before I die. During the last two months, I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father." "Don't worry about it," Jake said, "I already know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, life, wife
Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Depends on how clumsy you are.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: life, light bulb
Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret? They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, IT, life, phone
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
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has 55.13 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: beauty, birthday, life, love, marriage
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
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has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: life
Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?" Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.” Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too." Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?" Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: beauty, life
Teens are at an awkward stage in their lives. They know how to make phone calls they just don't know how to end them.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: life, phone, teen
I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with. I dyed my hair!
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, life, stupid
There appeared suddenly a crowd of many people in the street, because they caught a thief, who has stolen 500 euros from the grocery. They wanted to beat him up, but Johny stayed still and told the people: "who is without guilt, may throw a stone at this thief!" Nobody wanted to throw a stone at this thief, becuase nobody was without guilt. Suddenly one stone has hit this thief directly into his forehead and he has fallen down to the ground. Johny asked: "who was it? Who was it?" The Heaven has opened and the oldest archangel has s aid: "it was me!"
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: heaven, life, mean, money
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