Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office.
At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses.
At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.
Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed.
"I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul.
Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
Vote:
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
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The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Q: What fragrance makes you laugh?
A: Essense of humor.
What's a skunk's philosophy of life?
Eat, stink and be merry.
Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny.
Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke.
A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish."
After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer."
The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared.
The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."
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Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato?
A: "You better catch up!"
Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car?
A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!