The best jokes about life

I know when god becomes angry. When teenage girls get pregnant and their parents exclaim, "Oh god! What have you done?!"
Vote: has 50.00 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, life, teen
A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth. The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared. The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared. The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames. Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"
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More jokes about: black humor, black people, chocolate, life, mexican
The more self-killers, the fewer self-killers.
Vote: has 49.93 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, life
Where are you going for vacation this year? I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.
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More jokes about: life
The organizers of the concert complain to the conductor of a choir: You were supposed to bring a mixed choir, but I can see only men here. But it is a mixed choir – half of them know how to sing, and the other half- do not.
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Q: What bounces and makes kids cry? A: My donation cheque to Children in Need.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, life
As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me." All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin." The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that." The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
Vote: has 48.78 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, doctor, lawyer, life, money
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
Vote: has 48.59 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, math
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, life, marriage, time
Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, life, political