There’s one good thing about life. It’s only temporary.
Why don’t all the managers go into holiday at once? So people can’t see that the company works without them..
Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?" Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.” Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too." Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?" Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
Life’s a bitch, and then you’re reincarnated.
"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?" "Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
You WILL be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
Patient: "How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?" Doctor: "Fifty rupees." Patient: "Fifty ruppes, for only a few second’s work?" Doctor: "Well, I will do it very slowly." Patient: "How much is for the operation?" Doctor: "Rupees on thousand." Patient: "But it was a serious one." Doctor: "Nonsense. You can’t buy a serious operation for Rupees one Thousand now-a days."
Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
Are you free on Sunday? The director asks his secretary. Yes, sir. Then, please, use this day to rest a bit, so you won’t be late at work on Monday.