The best jokes about life

Where are you going for vacation this year? I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.
Vote: has 49.79 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
Vote: has 49.74 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, math
The organizers of the concert complain to the conductor of a choir: You were supposed to bring a mixed choir, but I can see only men here. But it is a mixed choir – half of them know how to sing, and the other half- do not.
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Q: What bounces and makes kids cry? A: My donation cheque to Children in Need.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, life
As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me." All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin." The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that." The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
Vote: has 48.78 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, doctor, lawyer, life, money
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
Vote: has 48.59 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: desert island, friendship, genie, life
Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, life, political
Jesus walks into a hotel, rings the bell, and waits for the receptionist to come out. He looks her dead in the eye, slams three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, life
Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, family, life