"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade."
"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?"
"Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
You WILL be a winner today.
Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P.
Now he down with No P.P.
Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell.
A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.
Life is an open door.
It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.
I weighed myself today.
It is clear I am too small for my weight.
A demon died and was asked by god what he wanted to become in his next life.
The demon said "I wish to become good in my next life. I want to be as pure and white as an angel and also have angel wings... But I still want to drink blood."
So god turned him into a maxi pad.
The fastest dialog in the world:
(WC door is opening)
Man inside: Heyyy!
Man outside: Sorryyy!
Are you free on Sunday?
The director asks his secretary.
Yes, sir.
Then, please, use this day to rest a bit, so you won’t be late at work on Monday.