Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction.
He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
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Man: You've brought religion into my life.
Woman: Really? How?
Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck.
There can only be 1 living legend.
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Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life.
When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
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To be or not to be?
That is the question.
The answer?
Chuck Norris.
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Yo mama's feet are so ashy, it looks like she kicks flour for a living.
It was tough for me, got caught up: cutting class, drinking, smoking, gambling, raping and pillaging the town.
What I'm trying to tell you is the fifth grade was hell for me, alright?
Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.
Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"
Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"
Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.”
Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."
Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?"
Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit.
They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh I know."
So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle.
She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car.
Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved.
Then dissapered over it.
The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?"
His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."