Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato?
A: "You better catch up!"
Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car?
A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!
A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club.
He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy.
The golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free.
The golfer agrees and takes out the robot.
While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit which club. He has the best game of his life.
The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies.
He informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore.
The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened.
The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect of their metallic material and into their eyes.
The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black?
The golf pro said that they did paint them into black robot caddies, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up and the other 3 robbed the pro shop.
Vote:
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize?
He was outstanding in his field.
How many French men does it take to defend the city of Paris?
Don't know...its never been done.
More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke.
Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
Q: Why are gays so happy?
A: Becuase the luck does not have the courage turning back to them.
Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?
A: Gaelic breath.