The best jokes about life

God created universe, Chuck Norris created God.

There was no Big Bang. Chuck Norris arm wrestled himself and the energy produced created the universe.

I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Originally it was called 'Chuck Norris Mode' but he decided to let god have that one because Chuck Norris is humble like that.

One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, c'mon, I'm sure there's one buried in your desk too.) Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and - oh, surprise out popped a genie. The genie asked, as genies will, "What is your first wish?" The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, "I would like to be rich!" So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates. Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, "My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!" And poof, he was there. Then the government worker or, as I like to call him, civil servant decided on his third wish, "I don't want to do any work ever again!" and poof ubiquitous ironic twist he was back in his office.

Chuck Norris is not cool. By saying that, I have decreased my life to 5 seco...

‘Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, “So, what did you think?”’ Steven Wright

Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell. A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.

Always be yourself, unless you can be Chuck Norris, then always be Chuck Norris.