Are you free on Sunday? The director asks his secretary. Yes, sir. Then, please, use this day to rest a bit, so you won’t be late at work on Monday.
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth. The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared. The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared. The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames. Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
One night, there was a knock on my door... i open it and no one was there every night I would get the same knock and still no one was there... Untill the morning I was just making myself some tea as a person knocks on my door it was a black man he walk in and stole my tea .... i said to myself did he just mug me .... I still didn't know who was knocking on the doors at night Untill one night I opened my door and there was a floating mug I was still confused.
Yo' Mama is so uptight, you need the jaws of life to part her legs.
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.
Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell. A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.
The Dove Bar's like an 80-pound wad of chocolate on a toothpick. If you're not careful when you take it out of the package, you'll snap your wrists.
Q: Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician? A: Drummers.