The best jokes about life

Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
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Are you free on Sunday? The director asks his secretary. Yes, sir. Then, please, use this day to rest a bit, so you won’t be late at work on Monday.
Vote: has 41.83 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
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A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
Vote: has 41.83 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
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Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
Vote: has 40.09 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
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A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, kids, life, war
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell. A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, life, school, work
A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, alcohol, life, old people, women
Q: What bounces and makes kids cry? A: My donation cheque to Children in Need.
Vote: has 39.39 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, life
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, family, life


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