God created universe, Chuck Norris created God.
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
Originally it was called 'Chuck Norris Mode' but he decided to let god have that one because Chuck Norris is humble like that.
‘I’ve found the secret of eternal youth. I lie about my age.’ Bob Hope How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? One.
An old man tells his psychiatrist that he is already very old and he has committed during his life many sins. The psychiatrist wanted to help him, so he has asked him: "And how long are you with your wife?" The man answered: "45 years." The psychiatrist said: "Don´t have the fear, because after your death you will be surely added to the sufferers, sleep well."
Air traffic controller: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"
I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would prod me and say "you'll be next!" They soon stopped that, when I started saying it to them at funerals !
There was no Big Bang. Chuck Norris arm wrestled himself and the energy produced created the universe.