You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'.
What's the fastest thing in the world? A beer truck driving through an Indian reserve. What's the second fastest thing in the world? The Indians running after it.
You know what I was thinking about right now? What it would be like to have six fingers....high fives would be different.
A teenage boy overdosed on ten bottles of Viagra. Not only is he lucky to be alive, he’s lucky not to have taken his eye out.
Chuck Norris is not cool. By saying that, I have decreased my life to 5 seco...
"What are you doing there?" "I'm making something." "What are you making?" "A bomb." "Can I help?" "Impossible. It's a nuclear one..."
Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck. There can only be 1 living legend.
Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction. He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
At the grammy awards Beyonce said to Justin Bieber, "What song would u sing of mine justin?" Justin said, "If I were a boy."
A blonde goes horseback riding for the first time in her life, she's never had any prior lessons or training. As soon as her bottom hits the saddle, the horse gallops away. Immediately the girl realizes she's not in the saddle correctly and she does everything she can to stay on the horse, she pulls on the horse's mane, she grabs the saddle ... but she realizes it's no use. Finally she decides the best thing to do is to jump clear of the horse but as she does this, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup and she is dragged by the horse. Her head is hitting the ground ... thump ... thump ... thump ... over and over again. Just as she is about to lose consciousness ..... the store manager runs out and unplugs the horse!