The best jokes about life

What's the fastest thing in the world? A beer truck driving through an Indian reserve. What's the second fastest thing in the world? The Indians running after it.
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has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: beer, life
One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, c'mon, I'm sure there's one buried in your desk too.) Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and - oh, surprise out popped a genie. The genie asked, as genies will, "What is your first wish?" The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, "I would like to be rich!" So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates. Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, "My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!" And poof, he was there. Then the government worker or, as I like to call him, civil servant decided on his third wish, "I don't want to do any work ever again!" and poof ubiquitous ironic twist he was back in his office.
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has 35.51 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: genie, life, money, political, work
I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions'
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life
What has a head, a tail, and no body? A coin!
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician? A: Drummers.
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life, music
You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'.
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has 34.40 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life
‘Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, “So, what did you think?”’ Steven Wright
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has 34.25 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: life
You know what I was thinking about right now? What it would be like to have six fingers....high fives would be different.
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has 33.86 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: life
"What are you doing there?" "I'm making something." "What are you making?" "A bomb." "Can I help?" "Impossible. It's a nuclear one..."
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has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life, science, work
A teenage boy overdosed on ten bottles of Viagra. Not only is he lucky to be alive, he’s lucky not to have taken his eye out.
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has 32.61 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: life, sex, teen, viagra
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