My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another. So far we’ve been up for three weeks.
Wife to husband: ‘My mother says I should never have married you. She says you’re effeminate.’ Husband: ‘Compared to her everyone is.’
Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A man asks his mute friend what he wants in a woman. The mute friend points to his head. His friend says, "Yes, intelligence is important." Then, the mute friend rubs his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend nods and says, "Certainly a woman with money would be nice." Then, the mute friend opens his hands wide in front of him, cups his fingers and makes a bouncing motion. His friend looks at him strangely. "What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"
Marrying a man for his good looks is like buying a house for its paint.
I joined Bachelors Anonymous. Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.
My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.
The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said. "That was when mommy came to work for us?"
Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"