The best marriage jokes

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said. "That was when mommy came to work for us?"
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has 84.14 % from 263 votes. More jokes about: church, marriage, wedding, work
If it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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has 84.05 % from 197 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A man calls his wife into the bedroom. "I want to show you the new watch I got today." She goes in and find him with his pants down. "That's not a watch!" she says. "It will be once you put two hands and a face on it."
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has 84.03 % from 394 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time, wife
Wife to husband: ‘My mother says I should never have married you. She says you’re effeminate.’ Husband: ‘Compared to her everyone is.’
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has 84.03 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.
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has 83.97 % from 2450 votes. More jokes about: beauty, love, marriage, sex, wife
A man asks his mute friend what he wants in a woman. The mute friend points to his head. His friend says, "Yes, intelligence is important." Then, the mute friend rubs his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend nods and says, "Certainly a woman with money would be nice." Then, the mute friend opens his hands wide in front of him, cups his fingers and makes a bouncing motion. His friend looks at him strangely. "What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"
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has 83.96 % from 323 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Marrying a man for his good looks is like buying a house for its paint.
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has 83.95 % from 281 votes. More jokes about: marriage
My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.
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has 83.94 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: marriage
My wife just nudged me and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?". I thought, 'that's a strange way to start a conversation'.
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has 83.90 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
Agnes married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, Lord, theyre finally together. One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
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has 83.87 % from 573 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, kids, marriage, women
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