The best marriage jokes

My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another. So far we’ve been up for three weeks.
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has 84.03 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wife to husband: ‘My mother says I should never have married you. She says you’re effeminate.’ Husband: ‘Compared to her everyone is.’
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has 84.03 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.
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has 83.98 % from 2452 votes. More jokes about: beauty, love, marriage, sex, wife
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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has 83.97 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: black humor, kids, marriage
A man asks his mute friend what he wants in a woman. The mute friend points to his head. His friend says, "Yes, intelligence is important." Then, the mute friend rubs his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend nods and says, "Certainly a woman with money would be nice." Then, the mute friend opens his hands wide in front of him, cups his fingers and makes a bouncing motion. His friend looks at him strangely. "What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"
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has 83.96 % from 323 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Marrying a man for his good looks is like buying a house for its paint.
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has 83.95 % from 281 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I joined Bachelors Anonymous. Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.
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has 83.95 % from 203 votes. More jokes about: marriage
My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.
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has 83.94 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said. "That was when mommy came to work for us?"
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has 83.84 % from 265 votes. More jokes about: church, marriage, wedding, work
Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"
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has 83.83 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: marriage
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