"I'd like to seek divorce. My wife hasn't spoken with me more than half year." "Are you stupid? It's a dream of every man."
Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica? A: He didn't need them any longer his damn wife knows everything.
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
Three guys talk in a bar. Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them. The third guy remains quiet. Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? do you rule your roost?" The quiet guy says, "Well, just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees." "What happened then?" they ask. "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
What is the difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married? A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
"I hope you didn’t take it personally, Father," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the vicar replied. "It’s not a reflection on you, Father" insisted the church goer. "Christopher has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
A man comes home from work early to find his blonde wife in bed with three men. Completely shocked, he shouts, "Hello, Hello, Hello!" The blonde whines, "What? No hello for me?"
A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. ”Are you hurt?” he asked.”Of course I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around and you didn’t wave once!”