The best marriage jokes

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
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has 51.00 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time
A gay American was caught by his Filipino gay husband cheating. The American husband asked, "how did you find out?" The Filipino husband replied, "through my Western Union Receipts."
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has 50.97 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: gay, geography, marriage, money
Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!" "I know!" the next woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there." The third woman says, "I always know where my husband is." "Impossible!" both women exclaim, "He has you completely fooled!" "Oh no," says the woman. "I'm a widow."
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has 50.96 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wife to husband: ‘One more word and I’m going straight back to mother!’ Husband: ‘Taxi!!’
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: marriage
My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house. So I did - the middle one.
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
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has 50.76 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, marriage, wife
Marriage is not a lottery – you get a chance in a lottery.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage, priest, wedding, women
A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day. The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language. The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home. When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam." When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls." Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner. When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"
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has 50.34 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: marriage, parrot
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
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has 50.26 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: fart, marriage, sex
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