The best marriage jokes

Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Vote: has 27.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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Whats the difference between married men and parking spaces? Nothing all the good ones are taken.
Vote: has 27.24 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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My husband and I married for better or worse. He couldn’t do better and I couldn’t do worse.
Vote: has 27.24 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.
Vote: has 27.24 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
Vote: has 26.98 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, money, sport, time
Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece? A: He Married Her
Vote: has 26.78 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, marriage, money
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
Vote: has 26.77 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
Vote: has 25.81 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, kids, life, marriage
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Vote: has 25.67 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, marriage
Remember your wife is a romantic who still loves flowers and chocolates. Show her you remember as well by referring to them occasionally.
Vote: has 24.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chocolate, marriage, memory, romantic