The best marriage jokes

Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage
Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs. Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’ ‘No,’ replies his wife. ‘Have you?’
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has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men
Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before. Wife: Well, how about the kitchen?
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I live like a medieval knight. Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wife to husband: ‘You certainly made a fool of yourself last night. I just hope nobody realised you were sober.’
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
‘Why don’t you go home to your wife. Better yet, I’ll go home to your wife and, outside of the improvement, she won’t notice any difference.’ Groucho Marx
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A Lalu originally from Bihar now in USA went to India and brought a physiologically checked out virgin from a small happy town as wife. Ideal Lalu decided to have first night in USA. He prepared her, took their all clothes off and was ready to penetrate for intercourse and young bride stopped him. "What are you trying to do," she asked. Lalu explained the spousal sex. The bride said, "In that case try my back hole it will be lots of fun for you."
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has 34.70 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex, wife
Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
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has 34.19 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: desert island, disgusting, marriage, time, women
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
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has 34.13 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage
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