The best marriage jokes

A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon. Two days into the weeklong trip, the wife goes to the front desk and demands a car to take her to the airport. A few hours later, the husband strolls past the front desk. The manager asks why his wife has left the island. "Were you not having a good time?" The man replies, "Well, I've been having the best time of my life, but it's been with the maid."
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: marriage
What’s it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? Marriage.
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: marriage
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, marriage, wife
My husband added some spice to our marriage. He's left home.
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has 36.10 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married? A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
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has 36.08 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: football, marriage, school, sport
A drunk phones the police to report that thieves have been in his car. ‘They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,’ he cries out… ‘Oh hang on. I’m in the back seat.’
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has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before. Wife: Well, how about the kitchen?
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I live like a medieval knight. Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.
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has 35.28 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
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