I had two women in my bed the other day. I got home from work and discovered my wife is having a lesbian affair.
Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you! Girl: yes, but would you stay there….
Priest to woman: ‘I don’t think you’ll ever find another man like your late husband.’ Woman: ‘Who’s going to look?’
Since I got married I haven’t looked at another woman. My wife put me off them.
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
He was in a position to marry anyone he pleased. Unfortunately he didn’t please anyone.
The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.