The best marriage jokes

Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
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has 33.86 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A married couple had gotten into an argument and for many days had not been talking to each other. Instead they were writing notes back and forth. One evening the husband walked up to the wife and handed her a note that said, “Wake me up tomorrow at 6 in the morning.” When he woke up the next morning it was 9. He immediately got angry with his wife and turned around to speak to her. On her pillow was a note that said, “Wake up, it’s 6!”
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has 33.50 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A man and his wife enter a dentist's office. The wife says "I need a tooth pulled. No gas or Novocain -- I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave woman," says the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
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has 33.50 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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has 33.50 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage
They are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: marriage
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
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has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Contrary to popular belief, Harry’s mother and father were married. Not to each other. But they were married.
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I had two women in my bed the other day. I got home from work and discovered my wife is having a lesbian affair.
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage
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