I got home and found a man in bed with my wife.
I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’
He said, ‘Everybody.’
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
A man and his wife enter a dentist's office.
The wife says "I need a tooth pulled.
No gas or Novocain -- I'm in a terrible hurry.
Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave woman," says the dentist.
"Now, show me which tooth it is."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
A Lalu originally from Bihar now in USA went to India and brought a physiologically checked out virgin from a small happy town as wife.
Ideal Lalu decided to have first night in USA.
He prepared her, took their all clothes off and was ready to penetrate for intercourse and young bride stopped him.
"What are you trying to do," she asked.
Lalu explained the spousal sex.
The bride said, "In that case try my back hole it will be lots of fun for you."
A married couple had gotten into an argument and for many days had not been talking to each other.
Instead they were writing notes back and forth.
One evening the husband walked up to the wife and handed her a note that said, “Wake me up tomorrow at 6 in the morning.”
When he woke up the next morning it was 9.
He immediately got angry with his wife and turned around to speak to her.
On her pillow was a note that said, “Wake up, it’s 6!”
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband.
When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties.
"Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"
The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
Priest to woman: ‘I don’t think you’ll ever find another man like your late husband.’
Woman: ‘Who’s going to look?’
An angry man is coming home and shouts to his wife, "I know everything!"
His wife reacts right away, "Is that so? Then tell me please. Who is the fifth highest peak in the world?"
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
Vote:
I had two women in my bed the other day.
I got home from work and discovered my wife is having a lesbian affair.