The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
Tom was a model husband.
Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
Man to friend: ‘When did you first realise your wife had stopped loving you?’
Friend: ‘When she pushed me through the window, and wrote for an ambulance.’
I got home and found a man in bed with my wife.
I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’
He said, ‘Everybody.’
What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
About 40 lb.
I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
My wife and I lead a quiet life.
The last time we went out together was when the gas boiler exploded.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.