The best marriage jokes

Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
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Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
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Man to friend: ‘When did you first realise your wife had stopped loving you?’ Friend: ‘When she pushed me through the window, and wrote for an ambulance.’
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I got home and found a man in bed with my wife. I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’ He said, ‘Everybody.’
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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
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My wife and I lead a quiet life. The last time we went out together was when the gas boiler exploded.
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Remember your wife is a romantic who still loves flowers and chocolates. Show her you remember as well by referring to them occasionally.
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More jokes about: chocolate, marriage, memory, romantic
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?
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More jokes about: baby, IT, marriage


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