When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed.
Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.
She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached?
I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg.
Jill wasn't having any of it.
"Do you think I don't like variety?
I wanted poached this morning!"
Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’
Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’
Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
He never got married.
He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.
Contrary to popular belief, Harry’s mother and father were married.
Not to each other.
But they were married.
Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce?
A: Ten thousand!
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?
Miss her.
Pity her.
Tom was a model husband.
Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
I got home and found a man in bed with my wife.
I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’
He said, ‘Everybody.’