Tom was a model husband.
Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
Man to friend: ‘When did you first realise your wife had stopped loving you?’
Friend: ‘When she pushed me through the window, and wrote for an ambulance.’
I got home and found a man in bed with my wife.
I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’
He said, ‘Everybody.’
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
My wife and I lead a quiet life.
The last time we went out together was when the gas boiler exploded.
Remember your wife is a romantic who still loves flowers and chocolates.
Show her you remember as well by referring to them occasionally.
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?