Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
He was in a position to marry anyone he pleased. Unfortunately he didn’t please anyone.
The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
Man to friend: ‘When did you first realise your wife had stopped loving you?’ Friend: ‘When she pushed me through the window, and wrote for an ambulance.’
I got home and found a man in bed with my wife. I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’ He said, ‘Everybody.’
When they get you, they have their own little signature, like Gucci or something like that. When you walk down the street, girls will walk by, and they'll say, "Oh, that's Gladys' work, ain't it?"
What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 40 lb.