A man and his wife enter a dentist's office. The wife says "I need a tooth pulled. No gas or Novocain -- I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave woman," says the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
They are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
Contrary to popular belief, Harry’s mother and father were married. Not to each other. But they were married.
I had two women in my bed the other day. I got home from work and discovered my wife is having a lesbian affair.
Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you! Girl: yes, but would you stay there….
Since I got married I haven’t looked at another woman. My wife put me off them.