The best marriage jokes

Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
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Man to friend: ‘When did you first realise your wife had stopped loving you?’ Friend: ‘When she pushed me through the window, and wrote for an ambulance.’
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I got home and found a man in bed with my wife. I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’ He said, ‘Everybody.’
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What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 40 lb.
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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
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I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
Vote: has 31.03 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
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My wife and I lead a quiet life. The last time we went out together was when the gas boiler exploded.
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Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
Vote: has 30.11 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, men
When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.
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It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
Vote: has 29.93 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, money, sport, time


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