The best marriage jokes

Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage? They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone.  She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.  When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.  His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone.  "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you," he said. "As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!"  Then he hung up and walked out of the room. In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter.  Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread."
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More jokes about: husband, marriage, music, women
He named the street he built after his wife. It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
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I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
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My wife and I lead a quiet life. The last time we went out together was when the gas boiler exploded.
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Remember your wife is a romantic who still loves flowers and chocolates. Show her you remember as well by referring to them occasionally.
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More jokes about: chocolate, marriage, memory, romantic
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
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