The best marriage jokes

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Vote: has 30.11 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
Vote: has 29.93 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
Vote: has 29.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, kids, life, marriage
A drunk phones the police to report that thieves have been in his car. ‘They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,’ he cries out… ‘Oh hang on. I’m in the back seat.’
Vote: has 29.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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Man to friend: ‘When did you first realise your wife had stopped loving you?’ Friend: ‘When she pushed me through the window, and wrote for an ambulance.’
Vote: has 29.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
I got home and found a man in bed with my wife. I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’ He said, ‘Everybody.’
Vote: has 29.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Remember your wife is a romantic who still loves flowers and chocolates. Show her you remember as well by referring to them occasionally.
Vote: has 28.61 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chocolate, marriage, memory, romantic
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
Vote: has 28.45 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, bartender, marriage, wife
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Vote: has 27.88 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, marriage