A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
Yo mama so ugly that her mom only fed her with a sling shot.
"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" "My name is Paul."
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer. His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted". He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough." His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?" He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.
"Wow, look at that! Isn't it beautiful? Let's destroy it." -People
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"