Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in.
Forget the ships.
My lighthouse, my rules...
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?"
Mom: "Because he never lies."
Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy"
Girl: "Why are you leaving?"
A guy and a girl are roommates in college.
The girl goes to a frat party, brings home another guy, fucks him, and then decides the next morning that she likes her roommate and therefore it's not going to work out. After her fling left, her roommate came up to her and:
Him: "I think I found my soulmate in you..."
Her: "Really?!"
Him: "Yeah... uh... that guy you brought home last night?"
Her: "Oh yeah. I don't care about him anymore."
Him: "Great! So he's available?"
A wife who put her husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers?
A: They grow taller!
Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you."
"Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"