The best mean jokes

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.
has 71.53 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: math, mean, school
A man is in Vegas where he lost all of his money so he can't pay for a cab to return to the airport. He sees a cab and begs the driver to give him a free ride to the airport but the cab driver declines. The next year the man returns to Vegas and get filthy rich when he decides to leave for the airport. There is a huge line of cabs, and at the very end of this line was the very driver who never gave him a ride the previous year. The man walks up to the front cab "Excuse me, sir if you give me a free ride to the airport I'll let you give me a handjob." The driver declines immediately. The man then asks all the drivers in this line the same thing. When he gets to the last driver, he pays the fee and the cab driver begins moving, when he moved by the line, the man puts two thumbs up through the window so all the other drivers could see.
has 71.53 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: dirty, driving, mean, money, time
My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me. She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
has 71.05 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: fat, mean, mother in law
"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" "My name is Paul."
has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: family, mean
A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer are riding together on a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the best vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In Russia, we have the best vodka in the world - nowhere in the world, you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukraine. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying this, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle through it. All the others are quite impressed. The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, unwraps one, lights it, and begins to smoke, saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere else in the world produces such a fine cigar, and we have so many of them, that we can just throw them away..." Saying that he opens the window and throws the pack of Havanas through it. Once again, everybody is quite impressed. At this point, the American stands up silently, opens the window, and throws the lawyer through it.
has 70.75 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, ethnic, lawyer, mean, work
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
has 70.73 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: internet, IT, kids, mean, technology
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, kids, mean, money
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: customer service, family, mean, money, music
My wife said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before." So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
has 70.55 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, communication, marriage, mean, travel
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
has 70.43 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: flirt, mean, men, women
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