Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy"
Girl: "Why are you leaving?"
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru.
There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window.
"We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded.
I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich.
"I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?"
Mom: "Because he never lies."
Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in.
Forget the ships.
My lighthouse, my rules...
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
A guy and a girl are roommates in college.
The girl goes to a frat party, brings home another guy, fucks him, and then decides the next morning that she likes her roommate and therefore it's not going to work out. After her fling left, her roommate came up to her and:
Him: "I think I found my soulmate in you..."
Her: "Really?!"
Him: "Yeah... uh... that guy you brought home last night?"
Her: "Oh yeah. I don't care about him anymore."
Him: "Great! So he's available?"
A wife who put her husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers?
A: They grow taller!
Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.