The best mean jokes

Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: "Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com."
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: business, customer service, mean
You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body. Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"
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has 68.35 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: doctor, flirt, health, mean, romantic
Q: How are women and a hurricane alike? A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and your car.
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has 68.01 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: cat, dirty, mean, weather, women
Q: What is the most dangerous part of a motorcycle? A: The nut between the seat and the handlebars.
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has 68.00 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: insulting, mean
Sorry, I'm late. I was trying to think of ways to get out of this.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: mean
My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me. She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
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has 67.46 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: fat, mean, mother in law
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
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has 67.13 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: flirt, health, mean, men, women
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
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has 66.75 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: accountant, Halloween, kids, mean, men
A man is in Vegas where he lost all of his money so he can't pay for a cab to return to the airport. He sees a cab and begs the driver to give him a free ride to the airport but the cab driver declines. The next year the man returns to Vegas and get filthy rich when he decides to leave for the airport. There is a huge line of cabs, and at the very end of this line was the very driver who never gave him a ride the previous year. The man walks up to the front cab "Excuse me, sir if you give me a free ride to the airport I'll let you give me a handjob." The driver declines immediately. The man then asks all the drivers in this line the same thing. When he gets to the last driver, he pays the fee and the cab driver begins moving, when he moved by the line, the man puts two thumbs up through the window so all the other drivers could see.
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has 66.68 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: dirty, driving, mean, money, time
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
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