The best mean jokes

"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
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has 68.66 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: "Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com."
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: business, customer service, mean
You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body. Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"
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has 68.35 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: doctor, flirt, health, mean, romantic
My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me. She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
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has 68.12 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: fat, mean, mother in law
Q: How are women and a hurricane alike? A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and your car.
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has 68.01 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: cat, dirty, mean, weather, women
Q: What is the most dangerous part of a motorcycle? A: The nut between the seat and the handlebars.
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has 68.00 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: insulting, mean
Sorry, I'm late. I was trying to think of ways to get out of this.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: mean
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
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has 66.90 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: flirt, health, mean, men, women
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
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has 66.75 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: accountant, Halloween, kids, mean, men
Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Two weeks later: Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: food, management, mean
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