The best mean jokes

I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, men, sex, women
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: accountant, doctor, geography, mean
Teacher: "Who can tell what is a mammal? Little Johnny: "My grand mother!"
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has 70.78 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: family, little Johnny, mean, old people, teacher
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: customer service, family, mean, money, music
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, office, work
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, wife, work
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: communication, husband, mean, men, wife
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?" "Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: kids, mean, ugly
Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Two weeks later: Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: food, management, mean
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