The best mean jokes

A man is in Vegas where he lost all of his money so he can't pay for a cab to return to the airport. He sees a cab and begs the driver to give him a free ride to the airport but the cab driver declines. The next year the man returns to Vegas and get filthy rich when he decides to leave for the airport. There is a huge line of cabs, and at the very end of this line was the very driver who never gave him a ride the previous year. The man walks up to the front cab "Excuse me, sir if you give me a free ride to the airport I'll let you give me a handjob." The driver declines immediately. The man then asks all the drivers in this line the same thing. When he gets to the last driver, he pays the fee and the cab driver begins moving, when he moved by the line, the man puts two thumbs up through the window so all the other drivers could see.
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has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: dirty, driving, mean, money, time
My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me. She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
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has 68.32 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: fat, mean, mother in law
One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer. His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted". He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough." His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?" He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: beer, communication, friendship, marriage, mean
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
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has 67.68 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: flirt, health, mean, men, women
Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road? A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: dog, mean
Q: What is the most dangerous part of a motorcycle? A: The nut between the seat and the handlebars.
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has 67.57 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: insulting, mean
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, mean, wife, women
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, kids, mean, money
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?" "Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: kids, mean, ugly
Sorry, I'm late. I was trying to think of ways to get out of this.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: mean
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