The best mean jokes

I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, mean, women
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
Vote: has 64.72 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents. Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha. Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, mean, political, ugly, women
A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, old people
A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: friendship, marriage, mean, sex, stupid
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. "That's total bollocks" I replied. By text, from across the road.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
A man has came over to his wife in a request. She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants. 3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
Vote: has 61.89 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, mean, men, sex, wife
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, friendship, mean
Yo mama is so dirty when she jumped in the bath water the water jumped out and said "No I'm good."
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, mean, Yo mama
Yo momma so skinny she looks like a mic stand.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, mean, ugly, Yo mama