My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me.
She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
Vote:
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat".
The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as.
"I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
A man is in Vegas where he lost all of his money so he can't pay for a cab to return to the airport.
He sees a cab and begs the driver to give him a free ride to the airport but the cab driver declines.
The next year the man returns to Vegas and get filthy rich when he decides to leave for the airport.
There is a huge line of cabs, and at the very end of this line was the very driver who never gave him a ride the previous year.
The man walks up to the front cab "Excuse me, sir if you give me a free ride to the airport I'll let you give me a handjob."
The driver declines immediately.
The man then asks all the drivers in this line the same thing.
When he gets to the last driver, he pays the fee and the cab driver begins moving, when he moved by the line, the man puts two thumbs up through the window so all the other drivers could see.
Me driving by a Taco Bell.
Sign: Now Hiring Managers.
Two weeks later:
Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
Vote:
A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"
Vote:
Joke has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, old people
I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom.
Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?"
"My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
A: 12 pirates.
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?"
"Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle."
Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible."
Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"