The best mean jokes

My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: friendship, mean, Valentines day, wife, work
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?" "Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: kids, mean, ugly
Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Two weeks later: Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: food, management, mean
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, kids, mean, money
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, mean
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: communication, fart, marriage, mean, sex
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: family, graduation, mean, money, time
Q: How was break dancing invented? A: Little black kids stealing hub caps off of moving cars.
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has 66.75 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, insulting, kids, mean
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. "That's total bollocks" I replied. By text, from across the road.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
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