I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents. Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha. Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"
A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. "That's total bollocks" I replied. By text, from across the road.
A man has came over to his wife in a request. She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants. 3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
Yo mama is so dirty when she jumped in the bath water the water jumped out and said "No I'm good."
Yo momma so skinny she looks like a mic stand.