The best mean jokes

Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, hunting, mean
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, kids, mean, money
Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: "Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com."
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: business, customer service, mean
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, fat, mean, single, time
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, mean
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, money, sex, women
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: family, graduation, mean, money, time
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. "That's total bollocks" I replied. By text, from across the road.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
St. Peter was sat next to the god in heaven when the all of a sudden the pearly gates started to rattle. God said to Peter,"go and see who is rattling the gates." Peter ran down the stairway to heaven and opened the pearly gates and there stood a dirty unwashed man in a vest. Peter looked the man up and down and said "yes' can I help you?" The man replied in a broad Irish accent, "Top of the mornin to ya sur, would the good lord have any scrap he be not wanting?" St. Peter stood silent for a moment then said: "wait here a moment." Peter shut the gate and ran back up the stairway to heaven and said to God, "It's Pykies my lord, wanting scrap." God says to St. Peter "Shit! Lock everything up and hide the keys, then go back down and tell them to bugger off!" Peter runs down the stairway to heaven opens the gate and tells "the pykie to bugger off, slams the pearly gates shut and locks it. Peter returns to the lord." God says to Peter, "we'll give it half hour then go and see if they have gone." A half hour passed. "Peter! Go and see if they have gone!" Peter runs down the stairway to heaven then returns to God panting and says to God "They have gone, my Lord!" "Good" says God, "and so have the pearly gates, my lord."
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: communication, god, heaven, mean, time
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
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