Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises? So oxygen can get into their brains.
How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? Two ways to cross a river.
Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends. The first guy, thinking he is all suave, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the honey?...Honey." Now, the second guy, copying the first, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the sugar?...Sugar." So now, the third guy is under pressure. He has to come up with something good. After, a minute of thinking he says to his girlfriend, "Pass me the pork...pig."
Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining. She said to her husband, "Nobody loves me….nobody cares for me..the whole world hates me!" Her husband, watching TV said casually: "That’s not true dear. You are not that famous that whole world hates you. Some people don’t even know you."
A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China." The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”