The best jokes about men

My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: death, men, wife
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
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has 76.74 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: men
Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died. As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly." St. Peter looked at Dave and said, "You, Dave, were a bad man. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat up Dodge." Next St. Peter looked at John and said, "You, were not so evil, but you still cheated on your wife two times. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota stationwagon." St. Peter finally looked at Sam, and said, "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife! For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari." A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam’s Ferrari and there he is, sitting on the hood, head in hands, crying. "What’s wrong, Sam?" they asked. "You got the Ferrari! You are set forever! Why so down?" Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth and cried, "I just saw my wife go by on a skate board."
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has 76.53 % from 166 votes. More jokes about: car, death, heaven, marriage, men
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I...? A microwave?
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has 76.51 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, men, technology, time
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend". "Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"? After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
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has 76.51 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, men, relationship, sex
How is a man like a snowstorm? You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
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has 76.32 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything.
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: light bulb, men
I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: "Yeah, three males and two females." Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: "Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone."
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: men
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
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has 76.22 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, women
A Knight was getting ready for the crusade. Ha turned to his friend and told him: "My fiancée is the most beautiful girl in the world and I can't imagine her being with someone else, while I'm gone. You're my best friend and I trust you. Here's the key for her chastity belt. In case I never get back, unlock her and set her free." When the crusade Knights were a mile away from the village, the Knight gets an urgent message: "Mate, You Gave Me The Wrong Key!"
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has 76.11 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: beauty, men, women
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