The best jokes about men

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
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has 75.38 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: men, party, sex
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything.
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: light bulb, men
How many men would it take to mop a floor? No one knows; they've never done it.
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has 75.00 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: men
How is a man like a snowstorm? You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: men
Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven. "I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven. But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings will fall off." So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when they get there the first guy sees a naked woman walk by so his wings falll off. When he bends over to pick them up the second guy's wings fall off.
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: men
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: god, lawyer, men, tax
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely. The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating. One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it." The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
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has 74.69 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: beauty, desert island, dog, food, men
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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has 74.65 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: black humor, life, men, morbid, time
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife? A: Let him keep her!
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: mean, men, wife
Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining. She said to her husband, "Nobody loves me….nobody cares for me..the whole world hates me!" Her husband, watching TV said casually: "That’s not true dear. You are not that famous that whole world hates you. Some people don’t even know you."
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has 74.34 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: husband, love, men
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