The best jokes about men

I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: "Yeah, three males and two females." Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: "Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone."
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
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How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?
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More jokes about: men
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, bartender, drunk, men
Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Vote: has 74.72 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
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Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining. She said to her husband, "Nobody loves me….nobody cares for me..the whole world hates me!" Her husband, watching TV said casually: "That’s not true dear. You are not that famous that whole world hates you. Some people don’t even know you."
Vote: has 74.69 % from 131 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, love, men
Six nuns are washing themselves all together when the doorbell rings. One nun goes to the door and says 'who is it?' An elderly gentleman replies "It's the blind man from the village" so the nun shouts to the others, "don't worry it's just the blind man from the village, I'll let him in." She lets him in and goes "how can we help?" The gent replies "I'm just going to go measure your blinds, but nice tits"
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: men
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I...? A microwave?
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, love, men, technology, time
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
Vote: has 74.28 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, men, pirate, war
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
Vote: has 74.27 % from 102 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: men, women
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
Vote: has 74.21 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men


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