"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "I can't believe it, it really is a boy." That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.
A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?" "Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?" "Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
Why does a penis have a hole at the end? So guys can be open-minded.
A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" Wife says, "I would take half and leave you". Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised? A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
Q: What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve? A: Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.
A man walking down the streets sees another man with a very big dog. One man says to the other, "Does your dog bite?" The man replies, "No my dog doesn't." The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite" said the injured man. "Thats not my dog", replied the other.
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"