Doc, says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on Earth for?" "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. If you don't do it, I'll just go to another doctor." "OK, but it's against my better judgment." Steve has his operation. The next day he walks down the hospital corridor very slowly, legs apart, with his drip stand. Heading toward him is another patient walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Yeah," says the patient, "I finally decided I'd like to be circumcised." Steve's eyes widen in horror, "Oh no! That's the word!"
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !" Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" Wife says, "I would take half and leave you". Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?” “What dear?” She asked gently. “I think you bring me bad luck.”
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer? When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
What does a man make best for dinner? Reservations.