The best jokes about men

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: god, men, women
Man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, "Does your dog bite?" "No, my dog doesn't bite." The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously. A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, "Hey, you said your dog doesn't bite!" The shop clerk shrugs, "He doesn't. But that wasn't my dog."
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: customer service, dog, men
What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: men, sex
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
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has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: communication, men, political, women
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A: A dic-tater.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: food, men
How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: food, men
A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: men
A widowed elderly lady was sunbathing on a beach in Fort Myers, FL. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.  Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello sir, how are you today?" "Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.  "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked. "First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book. "I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" she asked. "Yes, I live over in Cape Coral," he answered and again resumed reading.  Trying to find a topic of common interest, and noticing that his book was about veterinary medicine, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?" With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to hers, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!  When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?" The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
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has 61.10 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: age, husband, marriage, men, wife
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, men, wife, work
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out and again went to the mail box, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.'"
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has 60.70 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: blonde, computer, men, stupid
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