The best jokes about men

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: god, men, women
Man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, "Does your dog bite?" "No, my dog doesn't bite." The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously. A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, "Hey, you said your dog doesn't bite!" The shop clerk shrugs, "He doesn't. But that wasn't my dog."
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: customer service, dog, men
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, men, sex
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fell off.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: men
If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men
How can you tell if a man is lying? You can see his lips moving.
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has 60.40 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: men
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men
The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men
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