What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.
What is a man's idea of helping with housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way. God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a testicle, a kidney, and one eye." To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy? A Saddle Light Dish.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A. They already have boyfriends.
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.
Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love.