What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.
Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way. God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a testicle, a kidney, and one eye." To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy? A Saddle Light Dish.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?" Woman: "No." Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"
What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love.
2 cannibals having dinner. 1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew." 2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."
An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days." Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."