A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."
A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."
How can you tell if a man is lying?
You can see his lips moving.
Two young men who had just graduated from university climbed into a taxi wearing their graduation gowns.
"Are you graduates from the city university?" asked the cab driver.
"Yes, sir," they announced proudly. "Class of "99."
The cabbie extended his hand. "Class of "67."
Vote:
2 cannibals having dinner.
1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew."
2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."
Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once.
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant.
"The ball type?" asked the clerk.
"No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
The hero always gets his man in the end.
An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter.
Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days."
Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."
Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.