Something Special For His Birthday It was Jim's birthday, and he was considered to be an "old man" by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim's friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said "Hi I'm your birthday present!" Startled, he asked "What am I supposed to do with you?" "I'm yours for super sex," she answers. So Jim replied "Well, I'm 75 years old so I'll have the soup."
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them.
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? A. An oxymoron.
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:None, the sockets go with the house.
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A: A dic-tater.
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Men are like.....Coffee The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.