How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself. 
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy?
A Saddle Light Dish.
Two gays were at a dance.
As they were jigging about the floor with each other.
Two massive guys entered the hall 6 foot 6 20 stone and full of muscle One gay asked his mate "Is that the bouncers that have just come in?"
"No" grinned the other,"That's the raffle."
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
I just had an argument with a girl I know.
She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.
But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up.
Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they?
A: His left hand and his right hand.
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