How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A: A dic-tater.
Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under? A. Because deep down he's a good person.
Q. Why do men name their penises? A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse. “Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked. “No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”
What's the difference between a man and an ox? Fifteen pounds and a six-pack.
Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
Wouldn’t it be great if men were made by Kodak! They would automatically shut off when they weren’t being used. You wouldn’t have to wait for them to recharge after each shot. They last longer and come with a warranty. You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle. They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it. They come in fashion colors. You can keep them in maximum zoom. They come with replaceable or adjustable parts. The parts that count are portable. They don’t mind over-exposure. They respond to the slightest touch. The one you want is available at a KMART near you.
How many men does it take to screw a light bulb? A. One - men will screw anything. B. One - men will screw up anything. C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.