How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush. "Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman." "OK," says Ivan. After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse. “Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked. “No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”
Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?
Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:None, the sockets go with the house.
Why are all jokes about women one-liners? So men can understand them.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
What did God say after creating man? I can do better.