The best jokes about men

Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
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Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
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What is the thinnest book in the world? "What men know about women."
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Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
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They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
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Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

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A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room. "Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!" "That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts." A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!" "Very good," says the doctor. "Now try oral sex. She should certainly react to that!" Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet. "Doctor -- she died." "No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims. "Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
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A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men