Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room.
"Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!"
"That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts."
A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!"
"Very good," says the doctor.
"Now try oral sex.
She should certainly react to that!"
Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet.
"Doctor -- she died."
"No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims.
"Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy?
A Saddle Light Dish.
Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
This french guy he wants to learn English.
So one day he goes to an airport to learn "take off".
Then he goes to the zoo to learn "zebra".
Then he goes to the hospital "baby"
So one day he walks up too a hot girl on a beach in a bikini and he said "Take off zebra baby" (take off the bra baby).
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.