Jennifer, wanna go to my place?
I am not Jennifer
But I didn't ask about that...
Men are like......Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are
A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room.
"Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!"
"That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts."
A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!"
"Very good," says the doctor.
"Now try oral sex.
She should certainly react to that!"
Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet.
"Doctor -- she died."
"No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims.
"Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy?
A Saddle Light Dish.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.