A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing.
The police arrive and ask for a description.
She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her.
He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report.
She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room.
"Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!"
"That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts."
A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!"
"Very good," says the doctor.
"Now try oral sex.
She should certainly react to that!"
Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet.
"Doctor -- she died."
"No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims.
"Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across?
A: A double dirty crosser.
Men are like.....Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Men are like......Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are