Q:What not to say to the nice policeman?
A:I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.
Vote:
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
Q: Where does a general keep his armies?
A: Up his sleevies.
What do you call 35,000 men with their hands up?
"Iraqi Army."
Q: What is it called when a soldier slips into a fox hole?
A: Bestiality
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.
During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges.
That's why we have the camel,sir."
"The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent .
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir," the First Sergeant replies.
"They usually just ride the camel into town."
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
“Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one,
“that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”
“Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.”
“What was the jingle?” asked the first. “Oh,” replied the other offhand, “just our medals.”
Before Chuck Norris can register as a soldier, all wars suddenly end.
Vote:
Did you hear about the gay French General?
He blew Napoleon's Bonaparte!