Q: Where does a general keep his armies? A: Up his sleevies.
There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom. The Marine goes to leave without washing up. The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands." The Marine replies, "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on ours!"
Q:What not to say to the nice policeman? A:I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
Q: What is it called when a soldier slips into a fox hole? A: Bestiality
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges. That's why we have the camel,sir." "The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent . Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "No sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town."
What do you call 35,000 men with their hands up? "Iraqi Army."
Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.
Before Chuck Norris can register as a soldier, all wars suddenly end.
Did you hear about the gay French General? He blew Napoleon's Bonaparte!
Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ? A: He elected to receive.