The best military jokes

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
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has 41.85 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: food, military
Human blood type is usualy 0+, A+ or AB... Chuck Norris blood tipe is AK-47
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has 41.85 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
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has 41.06 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: death, military, office
There was a man who just got out of the army. He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house. He told the women, "Gimme anything you got." So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside." She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?" She says, "I picked off all the scabs."
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has 40.93 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, military, money
Iran reveals a plan to test its first Chuck Norris within a week.
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has 40.67 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
The soldier serving in Iraq was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
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has 40.53 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: military
Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.
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has 40.31 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
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has 39.81 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
Q: What do you call an afghan virgin A: Never bin laid on.
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has 39.74 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: black humor, military
English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die. The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door. The Germans say, why do you want a car door. The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.
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has 39.62 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: car, death, military
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