The best military jokes

Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ? A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: military
Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign Ambassador.
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has 45.89 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: military
A private was brought up before the unit CO for some offence. ‘You can take your choice, Private – one month’s restriction or twenty days’ pay,’ said the officer. ‘All right, sir,’ said the bright soldier, ‘I’ll take the money.’
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: military
Before Chuck Norris can register as a soldier, all wars suddenly end.
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has 43.61 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military, war
Three grandsons of ex Army Men were boasting about their grandfathers. "My great grandfather," one declared proudly, "made the army proud by joining the army at the age of 12." "Mine," boasts another, "got 12 bravery medals." "He was the only soldier in my family," confessed the third one, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 152 years old."
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has 43.61 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: age, family, military
What is the best job in a country which is war-prone? "Foreign ambassador."
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has 43.61 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: military, war, work
Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Soldier, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier's shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier's other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" the Soldier asked. "This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"
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has 43.61 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: military
Q: What do you call a roman warrior after oral sex? A: Gladiator.
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has 43.49 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: military, sex
At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture. "What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed. "What painter?" "The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'." "Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!" "That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!"
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has 43.46 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: military, work
A Kentuckian entered the US Army and was in his first week of basic training. He lived in the back hills and was not used to the modern amenities. On the first day, he was issued a comb. On the second day they sent him to the barber to cut off his hair. On the third day he was issued a toothbrush and toothpaste. On the fourth day he was sent to the dentist and they pulled ten of his teeth. On the fifth day he was issued an athletic supporter. On the sixth day he went AWOL.
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has 41.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: doctor, military
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