The best military jokes

Human blood type is usualy 0+, A+ or AB... Chuck Norris blood tipe is AK-47
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
There was a man who just got out of the army. He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house. He told the women, "Gimme anything you got." So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside." She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?" She says, "I picked off all the scabs."
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has 47.72 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, military, money
A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
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has 47.72 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days. “Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one, “that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.” “Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.” “What was the jingle?” asked the first. “Oh,” replied the other offhand, “just our medals.”
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: military
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges. That's why we have the camel,sir." "The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent . Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "No sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town."
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has 47.24 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, military, women
General Peter Pollock, the Navy Chief was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. General Pollock arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and Pollock asks: "So how are your men Marshall?" "Very well trained, Peter." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls an under-trainee and says: "James! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As James ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered Pollock and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
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has 47.24 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: atheist, men, military, navy
Chuck Norris once joined the Army. That's how the motto, "An Army of One" was created.
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has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
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has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die. The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door. The Germans say, why do you want a car door. The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.
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has 44.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: car, death, military
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ? A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: military
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