The best money jokes

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her. “Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?” “No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.” “So then?” asked the doctor. “Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.” “So then?” “Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
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More jokes about: blonde, doctor, money
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. 'Alec !' yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing. Why?' 'Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do !'
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How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
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I’m proud to say I made my money the old-fashioned way. My dad left it to me in his will.
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Yo mama so poor when I ring her buzzer she says, "bzzzzzzzzz."
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Patient: "Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?" Doctor: "You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc."
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Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
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More jokes about: black humor, dating, kids, money, sex
What kind of money do marsupials use? Pocket change!
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Yo' Mama is so poor, her tv only has two channels: on and not working.
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More jokes about: insulting, money, work, Yo mama
What king of money do fishermen make? Net profits!
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More jokes about: money


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