The best money jokes

No matter how hard we try, we never seem to save any money. Our neighbours are always buying something we can’t afford.
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: money
Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce? A: Ten thousand!
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: divorce, marriage, money
There was a man who just got out of the army. He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house. He told the women, "Gimme anything you got." So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside." She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?" She says, "I picked off all the scabs."
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has 44.74 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, military, money
A Jewish boy asked his father "Father, can you lend me 50 dollars?" The father replied, "40 dollars, What do you need 30 dollars for?"
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has 44.58 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: communication, jewish, mean, money, racist
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her. “Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?” “No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.” “So then?” asked the doctor. “Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.” “So then?” “Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: blonde, doctor, money
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. 'Alec !' yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing. Why?' 'Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do !'
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: money, teacher
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: money
I’m proud to say I made my money the old-fashioned way. My dad left it to me in his will.
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: money
Yesterday I was at the hairdresser to cut my hair. The cutting of the hair costs 3 Euros but I had only 1 Euro. So I have asked the hairdresser if she will cut my hair also for 1 Euro? She said yes, so I was glad. Ok, it is not perfect, one side of my head is cut a little bit more than the other one, maybe I look a bit weird, but nobody is perfect.
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has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: beauty, money, ugly
Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once? A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.
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has 43.58 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, jewish, money, racist
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