The best money jokes

We were so poor we couldn’t get rid of the roaches in our house because they paid half the rent.
Vote:
has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
There will always be death and taxes. However, death doesn’t get worse every year.
Vote:
has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
My wife and I have a joint account. I deposit money and she withdraws it.
Vote:
has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
Vote:
has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: marriage, money, sport, time
"Hello" "Hello" "Is that you, James?" "Yes, this is James." "Are you sure this is James." "Yes I'm sure, this is James!" "This is Robert... can you lend me twenty dollars?" "I'll tell James when he comes in."
Vote:
has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: money
Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?" "Whada ya win?" "A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years." "How much are they each?" "Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"
Vote:
has 29.62 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: money, redneck, time
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the Bishop with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the Bishop looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the Bishop and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The Bishop put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
Vote:
has 29.51 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage, money, wedding
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.
Vote:
has 29.10 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: money
Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
Vote:
has 29.10 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, money
If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
Vote:
has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
<<<76777879
More jokes →
Page 76 of 85.