Last year I told the kids there was no Father Christmas, this year I’m telling the wife.
Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player? Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents."
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent?
How do you hide your money from a mexican?
What does a blonde in a supermarket bending over? Looking for low prices!
What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person.
The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.
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