The best money jokes

Chuck Norris can pick "side" when flipping a coin.
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has 31.97 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. "Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, money
Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: money
A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer, money, wife
Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others" he is told by the doorman. Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!" "That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!" "And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!" "That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!" "And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!" "That's wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!" Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80." Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?"
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: money
In the town I have met one older woman, she told me: "if you give me ten euros, I will pray for your black soul." I gave her the ten euros, became suspicious, didn't believe her and told her: "ok, but pray for me right now, not in the evening." The woman has begun: "guardian angel, please, take care of my soul, forgive me all my sins and give me everything I need in my life." I have asked her only: "for my money?"
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has 31.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: life, money, old people, religious
Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it's classed as an Act of God!
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has 30.80 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, god, money
The first paper money press was invented when Chuck Norris drew a design under his boot and stepped on a tree.
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has 30.77 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money
Harry staggers exhausted into his house. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks his wife. ‘I thought I’d save my 75p bus fare by running behind the bus,’ gasps Harry. ‘You idiot,’ says his wife. ‘If you’d run home behind a taxi you could’ve saved a tenner.’
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
My grandfather came from a very poor family. The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
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