‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’ Douglas Adams
A husband gives his wife a complete mink outfit for her birthday – a 12-bore shotgun and some traps.
One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. 'What are you doing?' she asked. 'I'm looking for my dollar bill,' Max replied. 'I lost it down the road.' 'Why don't you look for it there?' 'Because the light's better here!'
Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?
When does a female deer need money? When she doesnt have a buck.
Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it.
Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece? A: He Married Her
Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player? Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?" The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?" The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it!