I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?"
I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital.
The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"
"I don’t see why not," replies the doctor.
"That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."
What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
Two more bullets.
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There's a double Decker bus driving down the street full of passengers, blonde and brunette.
On the lower level of the bus, the brunettes are having a good time, talking, laughing, and singing along to the music playing.
On the upper part of the bus, the blondes are seated... they're in a panic.
They're screaming, terrified, and holding onto each other as the bus moves along the street.
Finally, a brunette gets up and walks to the top of the bus to ask what's wrong, and one of the blonde's replies, "what's wrong?!? Well, you'd be screaming too if you didn't have a driver!!!"
Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents.
Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
Rappers are like the pens at the bank.
They all have chains on them, and don't write very well.
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
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Kanye West compared himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs.
Apparently none of them could sing, either.
Music teacher tells Peter:
"I warn you, if you will not behave, as appropriate, I tell your parents that you have a talent for music."
What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was The Wall.
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