If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
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I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist?
A: Cool music!
Q: You know what would make America great again?
A: If we kept the Mexicans and deported the hipsters.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion?
A: It was too current.
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat.
The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.
When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord.
"If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun.
Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity.
The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.
Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
Q: How did the wanna-be-hipster die?
A: Trying to cross the mainstream!
Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class?
A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.
Q: What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand?
A: Thunder.
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