If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
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I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist?
A: Cool music!
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat.
The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.
When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord.
"If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun.
Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity.
The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession?
A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to screw it in and the other to wear skinny jeans.
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Hip-Hop is dead because of Chuck Norris.
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Q: How much does a hipster weigh?
A: An instagram
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Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters?
A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork