If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
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I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist?
A: Cool music!
One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening to a holy station on the radio.
They were about 98 years old and so frail, they couldn't walk to church.
The preacher said, ''If you put one hand on the radio and one hand on whatever you want healed I will heal it for you.''
So the old woman put one hand on the radio and one hand on her heart.
The old man tried to not let the old woman see but he put one hand on the radio and one hand on his penis.
The old woman looked over and said, ''He said he could heal, not raise the dead!''
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There's a double Decker bus driving down the street full of passengers, blonde and brunette.
On the lower level of the bus, the brunettes are having a good time, talking, laughing, and singing along to the music playing.
On the upper part of the bus, the blondes are seated... they're in a panic.
They're screaming, terrified, and holding onto each other as the bus moves along the street.
Finally, a brunette gets up and walks to the top of the bus to ask what's wrong, and one of the blonde's replies, "what's wrong?!? Well, you'd be screaming too if you didn't have a driver!!!"
Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet?
A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
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A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital.
The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"
"I don’t see why not," replies the doctor.
"That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."
Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers?
A: They have two left feet.
Elvis Presley, Richard Petty, Budweiser, and Michael Jackson all call Chuck Norris "The King".
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Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class?
A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to screw it in and the other to wear skinny jeans.
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