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They were just five lakes, until Chuck Norris said they were Great!
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, geography
One day, a guy decides to go ice fishing. He gets out onto the ice and starts making a hole with his ice augur. Suddenly he hears a booming voice say "there's no fish there!" He looks around startled but doesn't see anyone. He packs up and moves to another spot and starts working on a new hole. Again he hears the booming voice "there's no fish there!" He moves again and starts making a new hole and hears the voice again. "There's no fish there!" it booms. He looks up nervously. "G-G-God? I-I-Is that... you?" he asks. "No, it's the arena manager. Get the fuck out of here!"
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, god, management, vulgar
Wife: I have blisters on my hands from using the broom all day. Husband: Well next time take the car then silly.
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has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: car, husband, wife
Father: "Son, you were adopted." Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!" Father: "No, we are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 10 minutes."
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has 85.10 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: family
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!" "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old. "No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all." "Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old. "No, I crap every morning at 6:30." With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?" "I don't wake up until 7:00!"
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has 85.66 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: age, old people
A bus full of nuns crashes and unforunatly they all die at the gates of heaven they meet St Peter. He asks the first nun: "Have you ever had any contact with a penis?" The nun replies: "I poked one once." St Peter says: "Wash your finger in this holy water and enter heaven." He asks the next nun the same question, she replies "I findled with one once." "Wash your hand in this holy water and enter heaven." Then St Peter hears a commotion among the other nuns and one nun pushes to the front. "Whats wrong?" he asks. The nun replies "If im going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to do it before Sister Anne washes her ass in it."
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has 81.25 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty, religious
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?" That's about as far as I remember.
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has 83.96 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, women
Me: What do you call someone who isn't sure if they like egg nog or not? Wife: What? Me: An Eggnogstic. Wife: This is grounds for divorce.
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has 51.13 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: divorce, life, wife
Wife: "There is something wrong with you." Me: "What a thing to say just before our dog's first salsa lesson."
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dog, marriage, wife
Q: Know why skeletons are so calm? A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: communication, Halloween

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