Chuck Norris once jumped. Now we have seven Continents and a tilted planet.
That recent tsunami was caused when Chuck Norris dropped a pebble into the ocean.
Hurricanes are really just Chuck Norris breathing into the rain.
Your mommas so fat when criminals break out of jail they hide behind her.
A really bad impressionist walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the wrong face?"
I don't like the term "anal bleaching". I prefer "changing your ringtone."
We should've known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags.
Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. "Look," said one, "let's be honest with each other." "Okay, you first," replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.
Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem. He replied that he paid it back right after his first case. When asked how he managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."
A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses." One of the locals spoke up on hearing this: "Mister, you'd better watch what you say. You're in horse country."