How did Barack propose to Michelle?
He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."
A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it.
The genie said, "I will grant you one wish."
He said, "I wish I were smarter".
So the genie made him a Republican.
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You all know why the government got rid of the mafia?
They don't like completion.
When Teddy Rosavelt said there is nothing to fear but fear itself he obiously hadn't met Chuck Norris.
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Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
Class: The second one!
The president of the USA lives in the White House.
Chuck Norris lives in the Roundhouse.
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George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and Bill Clinton were on the yellow brick road, going to see the Wizard of Oz.
When they got there, the Wizard of Oz said they could each have one wish.
''I want to have brains,'' said George W. POOF! He got some brains.
''I want to have a heart,'' said Dick Cheney. POOF! He had a heart (albeit a problematic one.)
''I want to have courage,'' said Colin Powell. POOF! He had courage.
Finally it was former President, Bill Clinton's turn. ''Well, what do you want?'' asked the Wizard.
Clinton thought a moment and asked, ''Ummm... Is Dorothy around?''
Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.
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Chuck Norris doesn't run for President; the President runs for Vice God Chuck Norris.
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