Yo mamma so stupid she thought Donald trump was a trumpit.
Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.
Nobody would survive anyway.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, politicians fight over redistricting her ass.
Q: When will scientists cure the common cold?
A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
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A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it.
The genie said, "I will grant you one wish."
He said, "I wish I were smarter".
So the genie made him a Republican.
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Q: What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A: A civil serpent.
Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal?
A: Due.
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When Teddy Rosavelt said there is nothing to fear but fear itself he obiously hadn't met Chuck Norris.
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Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week?
A: Turn on the spell checker.
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Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in urine was "The president must go."
Bill Clinton storms into his office and demaned to know who did it.
So his two body guards run out to find out who it was.
Five hours later the two gaurds come back in, they told Bill, "We have some bad news, and we have worse news."
"What is the bad news?" asked Bill.
"Well, the bad news is, we took a urine test, and it was his vice-president, Al Gore."
"Whats the worst news?" asked Bill.
"The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"