Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 200. Ten to attach the bulb to the sun, and 190 to make the sun revolve around the Earth.
Obama said, "Yes we can." Chuck Norris says, "I already did.".
Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."
George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and Bill Clinton were on the yellow brick road, going to see the Wizard of Oz. When they got there, the Wizard of Oz said they could each have one wish. ''I want to have brains,'' said George W. POOF! He got some brains. ''I want to have a heart,'' said Dick Cheney. POOF! He had a heart (albeit a problematic one.) ''I want to have courage,'' said Colin Powell. POOF! He had courage. Finally it was former President, Bill Clinton's turn. ''Well, what do you want?'' asked the Wizard. Clinton thought a moment and asked, ''Ummm... Is Dorothy around?''
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA? Class: The second one!
Donald Trump is a vain, arrogant, hateful pig. That's why Americans voted him in - he's just like them.
Well goodnight everyone. I have to get up early tomorrow to do nothing and still make more money than all of you!
One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, c'mon, I'm sure there's one buried in your desk too.) Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and - oh, surprise out popped a genie. The genie asked, as genies will, "What is your first wish?" The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, "I would like to be rich!" So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates. Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, "My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!" And poof, he was there. Then the government worker or, as I like to call him, civil servant decided on his third wish, "I don't want to do any work ever again!" and poof ubiquitous ironic twist he was back in his office.