Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.
Barack Obama was elected president of the USA because Chuck Norris said so. He remind him of Trivette...
A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.
How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."
Q: Why do they say elephants never forget? A: They haven't met Alberto Gonzalez.
Obama said, "Yes we can." Chuck Norris says, "I already did.".
George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and Bill Clinton were on the yellow brick road, going to see the Wizard of Oz. When they got there, the Wizard of Oz said they could each have one wish. ''I want to have brains,'' said George W. POOF! He got some brains. ''I want to have a heart,'' said Dick Cheney. POOF! He had a heart (albeit a problematic one.) ''I want to have courage,'' said Colin Powell. POOF! He had courage. Finally it was former President, Bill Clinton's turn. ''Well, what do you want?'' asked the Wizard. Clinton thought a moment and asked, ''Ummm... Is Dorothy around?''
Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA? Class: The second one!
Donald Trump is a vain, arrogant, hateful pig. That's why Americans voted him in - he's just like them.
Well goodnight everyone. I have to get up early tomorrow to do nothing and still make more money than all of you!