The best school jokes

Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card." Johnny: "I don't have it." Johnny's father: "Why not?" Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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has 70.11 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, little Johnny, school
A boy tells his friend that he has a crush on his teacher. The second boy says, ‘Man, that is disgusting.’ The first boy says, ‘What? Everyone has a crush on their teacher.’ The second boy says, ‘Yeah, but you’re home-schooled.’
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has 69.89 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: school
Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school? A: Because they're all in high school
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: school, weed
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? A: They get their masters.
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, school
Julia began her job in a secondary school as a counselor and she was keen to help the pupils. One day during break-time she noticed a girl standing all by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the children were enjoying a game of soccer at the other end of the field. Julia approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said that she was. Some time later, however, Julia noticed that the girl was in exactly the same spot, still by herself. Going up to her again, she enquired, 'Would you like me to be your friend?' The girl hesitated, then said, 'Alright,' while looking at Julia with some suspicion. Feeling she was making progress, Julia then asked, 'Why are you standing here all alone?' 'Because,' the girl said with a large sigh, 'I'm the goalie!'
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has 69.61 % from 214 votes. More jokes about: school, sport, work
A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh," she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him. "So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."
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has 69.50 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: jewish, racist, school
Three boys are walking home from school and they see a naked woman. One of them runs away the other two stay to watch. The next day they are walking home from school and they see the naked woman again, and again the same boy runs away. Another day later they are walking home and they see the naked woman again, as the boy tries to run away the other boys grab him and ask, "What are you gay or something don't you like looking at naked women?" He replied, "Yeah, I love looking at naked women but my mom said that if I see one I'll turn into stone and I feel something starting to get hard."
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has 69.48 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: gay, kids, school, women
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school. Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?" "Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
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has 69.38 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school
I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: school, weed
The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
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has 69.24 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: dirty, school, sex
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