Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Johnny: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
A little girl took her report card home and showed it to mom.
The mother was very disappointed by all the very low grades.
"Well look on the bright side" said the child, "you know for sure I don't cheat."
Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school?
A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.
Yo mama so fat when she was in school she sat by everybody!
Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.
Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel so well.
Father: Where does it hurt?
Son: In school.
Get bad marks, relatives will insult you.
Get good marks, friends will insult you.
Vote:
Teacher: “Suppose there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence.
How many would be left?”
Boy: “None.”
Teacher: “None? You don’t know your arithmetic!”
Boy: “Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”
Two college roommates are about to go to bed.
The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over.
To try and keep quiet, they devise a code.
His girlfriend will say "tomato" if she wants him to go slower and "lettuce" for him to go faster.
As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, "Lettuce, lettuce, tomato, tomato!"
The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, "Stop making sandwiches at night.
You got mayonnaise in my eye!"
Girl: “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
Mother: “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
Girl: “My homework.”