What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles: there is a mile between the first and last letters! 
I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
The teacher said to the children: "In a paddock, there were twelve sheep. Six of them got out by jumping over the fence. How many sheep left behind?"
"None", little Jim say.
"None?" says the teacher surprised. "Jim, you’re clueless in math."
"And you, misses, are clueless in sheep! As soon as the first sheep jumps out, the other will follow as well!"
You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate.
So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives:
moving back in with your parents.
Vote:
A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother."
One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.
He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school.
Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?"
"Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
Vote:
The first of September, first lesson. Teacher:
"Please sit quietly, if you want to ask something - raise your hand."
Little Johnny immediately raises his hand.
"You want to ask something?"
"No. Just checking how the system works."
Vote:
The answer to the problem was “log(1+x)”.
A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn’t want to make it obvious that he was
cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to “timber(1+x).”
The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers:
"We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend."
"Why of course," the Lieutenant answers.
"Just one thing," says the lady. "Of course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there."
"Why of course," the Lieutenant answers.
On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from the base.
Out comes a platoon of black GIs.
The schoolmistress is quite distressed.
"Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to a burly black Master Sergeant.
"Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt. Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"
Seems like school and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.